Bella Fisher is stuck in EXAM HELL – with only the promise of a weekend at the RebelRocks festival with her mates as a reward afterwards. OK, so she can’t actually afford a ticket and will have to work as a litter picker and toilet scrubber, but it’s still going to be epic: the best bands, her best friends and best-boy-in-the-world Adam, with not a parent or teacher in sight.
But when she arrives to find annoying older sister Jo has been sent by Mum to keep an eye on her, things go from bad to worse. BFF Rachel is hanging out with some mean girls, awful ex-boyfriend Luke pitches up with his model girlfriend and her pristine Hunter wellies, and the drummer in her favourite band is exposed as a sexist pig. All the face glitter and flower crowns in the world can’t save the day… can they?
Guest Post by Beth Garrod
Access All Awkward is the third book about Bella Fisher: and this time it’s all about the
summer of Bella and her friends’ lives. YAY SUMMER!
BUT let’s be real. Yes it’s sunny, yes you can legit have multiple ice-creams a day for health
reasons, and yes Love Island is back on our screens, but summer is also a hotspot for all
things awkward, as Bella finds out when she goes to her first festival.
But if you’re not convinced that summer can also be a hot heap of cringe, here are just five
reasons why it can it be all kinds of awkward….
Bad Chair Day
Oh friends! Hi strangers! Sure it’s a billion degrees but here you are styling it out on a garden
chair, looking all sorts of hazy brilliance. UNTIL you stand up. And one of two things
happen. A strange noise – a mix of slapping, and when you make a fart noise with your hands
– comes from your pant areas, confirming that yes – you’ve stuck to the chair with leg sweat
(are legs even meant to sweat?! If so, why isn’t there leg deodorant?!). Other option – the
chair has just stuck to you entirely. Either way, everyone knows behind those reflective
shades is the eyes of someone who was actually creating their own mini human paddling pool
on a plastic item from Homebase. Still, it beats the slowly disappearing shame of a bum seat
Wish You Were Here?
Thanks to Instagram we now know the whole world is on an inflatable unicorn in some
heavenly pool in a glamorous location. And that we’re currently looking at the evidence of it,
whilst waiting in Tesco car park, holding a bag of frozen cod fillets to our head to try and
cool down. Thanks everyone. Remember, revenge will be oh so, sweet.
A wasp sting is painful. That is a universal fact. But how long is the acceptable between
casually spotting a wasp and launching into a full-on circular-arm-flapping-sprint as if any
potential sting would feasibly result in the end of life as you know it? Everyone wants to be
the person that just shrugs. Of course they do! And everyone thinks they are. Until the wasp
gives you bad buzzy vibes and all calm flies out the window. How can one so small be the
ultimate at passive aggressive mind games?
Some people seem to have their summer A-game ready at the first sight of any sun. So
impressive! (and by impressive we mean annoying). Isn’t sweating in black jeans like the rest
of us some sort of British summertime rite of passage?! And by the time us mere mortals
have managed to face up to the reality of needing to invest in something that isn’t wool, all
the good bargains have gone and we’re left snapping up a floaty dress that turns out to be see
through in every single situation except the changing room where we bought it. Which then
means investing in ginormous pants when we could be spending money on the more
important things in life (aka Feasts. Or Calippos. And most definitely Fabs). Must prepare
better for next year… to feel exactly the same way all over again when we get it wrong.
Festivals are the happiest place on earth. Portaloos are not. Portaloos are but a necessary evil.
Sure everyone knows they can be a bit gross, but no one warns you what an adrenaline ride
they can be. What will you find when you open the door? (tip: don’t ask. Don’t think). Will
there be any hand sanitiser (answer: only for the first 4 minutes on day one). How do some
things get on a vertical wall?! (again, preventing over analysis is key to survival here). And
why does it feel like someone’s rocking the one cubicle you’re in? (sad fact; because some
idiot might think it’s fun to tip it over which means YOU CAN NEVER RELAX).
The only good thing about Portaloos is that the alternative is much, much worse.
Be brave. You’ve got this. Just remember those tissues. And hand sanitiser. And to keep your
arms close to your body at all times. And to not look down. Or breath. And to have a friend
outside – at all times.
If you need a super series of side-splitting-I-love-this reading then Beth Garrod’s AWKWARD books are where it’s at. Need another convincer? Well check out my review of Super Awkward
Thanks to Scholatic you can win a copy of Access All Awkward, just follow the details below. You’ll want to. Because looks how those eyes follow you around the room!
WIN your very own copy of Access All Awkward
Just click on this link HERE
Ends 7th July 2018